My husband is lying to me
Contents:
How To Deal With A Lying Spouse
Knowing his motive is crucial to how you respond — and whether and how you forgive. Why People Lie We appear to be hard-wired to lie — and it begins early in life; children as young as age 2 may lie when they discover that words can do amazing things. Some people lie as a form of self-protection.
Others do so to save themselves from punishment or conflict, or to gain acceptance from a group or get something else they want. Lying comes naturally to most of us.
We say that our friend's favorite shirt looks great, knowing how much she loves the ugly thing. We lie to our children, promising ice cream later if they eat their meal first — and then we try to get them to forget our promise. Maybe lying was a matter of survival and self-preservation when you were a child. Only you can decide if any amount of lying is acceptable or not, especially when it comes to your spouse.
The first is a lie; the latter may be more an oversight or simply an inability to his manage time well. Drawing the Line Your tolerance of certain lies may mean less conflict and more harmony at home.
My Husband Lies to Me
But what happens if a lying spouse is trying to cover up an affair? Will you finally decide to challenge the lies — possibly ending your marriage? In this case, it may be time to reach out for guidance from a mental health professional. Seeking counseling to deal with a husband or wife who lies is helpful if the pain and upset have become too much. Therapy will help you work through the emotions and move forward, either on your own or as a couple.
You may well hear something you really don't want to hear. But you also need to be prepared for his continuing to lie and cover up his behavior.
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You may need to be ready to make some difficult decisions, but you first need to hear what you he has to say. He may also surprise you. Allow room for second chances, but not third or fourth. Change Your Behavior Have you also considered whether your reactions to his words or actions have encouraged him to lie to you? Besides, if I'm going to be in trouble anyway, at least now there will be a reason.
Changing your behavior may even solve the problem. Even if he doesn't stumble, his sentences could signal deception: Studies have shown that liars tend to drop pronouns from their speech, as a way to verbally distance themselves from the lie.
There may be more to his story than he's letting on. Nearly 50 years ago, a researcher discovered that all humans share seven microexpressions—universal ways that emotions are hard-wired to flash across our faces. Whether you're male or female, black or white, young or old, if you're surprised, you make the same fleeting expression. These microexpressions are impossible to fake—which makes spotting one the closest thing we have to mindreading.
Contempt—a feeling of moral superiority and disrespect—is one of the most dangerous microexpressions for a relationship: Contempt shows up as a half-smile smirk, with only one side of the mouth raised.
It signals, "I've justified my lie. I'm getting away with it. Unless someone is incredibly savvy in body language, you can tell where he wants to be in a conversation. People align their belly buttons with the objects of their interest. If he started the conversation with his navel pointed straight at you, and now his body is twisted toward the door, he is aching to leave—that could indicate a hot spot for deception.
While most lies start as self-protection, they end as self-sabotage.
When a liar is faced with questions he doesn't want to answer, he may unwittingly cover his eyes, mouth or entire face with his hand, arm or a pair of sunglasses in a subconscious attempt to disappear. Pinocchios may start to squint, as if trying to block you from seeing the truth.
I love how the Intimacy Skills have empowered me to say what I want. I caught my husband using a dating chat app. For the first time in my life I feel safe and secure. They are little dumb lies. I hear him lie to people all the time. Or is it something I should not verbally address, but instead wait for another opportunity to NOT respond negatively, and over time my actions or lack of action will speak louder?
Just be sure to put body-blocking behavior in perspective—your husband's baseball cap pulled down low isn't a red flag if he wears it every day. Practiced liars are uniquely able to distort reality and make us feel like the floor is shifting underneath us, that something odd is afoot, but we just can't put our finger on it.
He may spout false information with such conviction that it makes you start to question your own recollections. This particular type of manipulation is called "gaslighting.