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The year-old manager began hitting on me right away. I fended him off over and over again even though I was flattered by his desire. During this time, I was growing closer with a boy my age who also worked with us. We began dating and it was wonderful. I found out his mother had died of breast cancer the year before and my heart opened up to him.
Now it was just him, his Dad and his brother. We spent all of our shifts working together exchanging smiles, looks, and the occasional pat on the ass. Many date nights and every Friday, the whole Pizzeria went to cosmic bowling. He was very sincere, charming, gentle and so funny. He always had me laughing. We coordinated Halloween costumes -- he was a zombie and I was a zombie princess. We both lived with our parents so I remember a lot of sex in the car.
I secretly loved the attention he showered me with, and I eventually gave in. He was in a committed long term relationship and I had become close friends with his girlfriend.
My boyfriend and I would even spend the night in their guest room close to our work. I was not a victim. I made an active decision to cheat on my boyfriend and have sex with someone else. I began having sex with him all of the time. At night when the restaurant closed, in the booths people sat and ate in disgusting I know.
I would go to his apartment, have sex everywhere -- the couch, the floor, their bed, the shower.
I found a thrill in this routine and embraced it. My boyfriend and I and my manager and his girlfriend went on many double dates. My boyfriend and I would still spend the night at their place. I became closer and closer to his girlfriend. I knew what I was doing was wrong and hurtful on so many levels, yet I continued this lifestyle for many months.
That has been weighing on me. I have tried to be introspective about why I would do such a thing. I want us to go to couples therapy and see if we can't work through our collective issues and any individual ones too. Are you willing to try? Get thee to a therapist. If he says "no" get thee to a bar.
I take your word that you want to save it. It may not work. But you should try. No cohabitation, as we were too young. He was controlling and emotionally abusive. He was never wrong, and thought it was fine to lie to me if it made me love him more. And if I caught him in a lie, I was pressured to forgive him instantly. After a few years, it was just easier to let him be right than it was to stand up for myself. And we won't even get into what sex was like.
He challenged my opinions, but in a respectful way. He didn't try to control me or manipulate me. He filled my head with ideas of seeing more of the world, and showed me that I really did deserve to be treated better than I was by my then-boyfriend. I eventually confessed to what I was doing because the guilt caught up with me. My then-boyfriend did not respond well huge blow to his ego!
Painful as hell, but as time went on, I realized just how poorly I'd been treated all those years. Guy on the side and I ended things a few months later, as he met his now-wife. Six months later, I met Mr. I had no intentions of dating anyone else, but I also didn't think I'd find someone like Mr.
Anon, you can try fixing the relationship you're in, but there really are better men out there who won't try to control you.
I promise that this is going to be the most in-depth page on the internet for women who want to know how they can get their boyfriends back if they cheated on him. It's time for you to be brave. It is completely shallow, I know, but I promise most guys are going to have those thoughts. I knew that would be the first comment. I cried for three days. So unhappy in fact that I had a two week affair a few months ago.
I've been in your boyfriend's shoes, though nothing physical happened that I know of. Your relationship sounds pretty broken, as mine was. And I was pretty possessive, because I knew the relationship was bad and because I knew my ex had cheated to get out of relationships before. Our bad behavior fed off each other in a vicious cycle--the more upset I got, the more he withdrew from me and flirted with other women.
We both couldn't be good people in that relationship, and I'm glad it ended. Does that sound familiar? I am going to echo everyone else and suggest you ask yourself why you still want the relationship to continue.
After three and a half years, breaking up is going to hurt and you will be lonely without him My relationship lasted just about three and a half years, and I had no idea how blinded I was to how toxic we were until I got out. I don't like the person I was when I was with him, and now I don't have to be that person.
That is a good thing. Do you like the person you are when you are with your boyfriend? Enough of the unwanted advice. I really loved my boyfriend at the time, and even if he had physically cheated, I would have tried to make it work if he had come back with a sincere apology, empathy for my pain, patience with my distrust, and a plan to fix things. I wouldn't go into the gory details of what happened, even if he asks--that's just fuel for bad memories and more distrust. Something like this would have worked: I was unhappy and cheated on you, but I realized that I was hurting you and throwing away a good thing.
I am sorry I hurt you. I still want to work on things with you. I'm willing to go see a counselor and have a talk about everything that doesn't work for us. What do you think? Do him and yourself a favor and break up with him. You've been with him for almost 3. For almost half the length of time you've been with this person you could have spent it working on your relationship instead of choosing to ask this other guy to hang out.
It seems unlikely that this relationship can be saved. You say that he's been controlling before and I have to wonder if this "before" was in the first 2 years you were together or in the 1. Was the affair sexual? If so, at least tell him that so that he can decide if he wants to be tested for an STD. I want to save it It's obvious you do, or at least you're just very conflicted about that, or you wouldn't have posted this question.
However, your entire post highlights a range or reasons why getting back together isn't a good idea.
Most importantly, that he's controlling and doesn't trust you. You didn't cheat because he doesn't trust you, because you can't control that he doesn't trust you. Trusting someone is a pretty complex trick we've evolved and is driven by chemical events in our brains. In other words, if he didn't trust you before, he likely will lack the ability to trust you always.
A good, solid relationship is built on trust. What you're lamenting, probably, is the fact that he has some positive attributes that for some reason are outweighing his negative attributes. Picture his qualities on a scale - and give the proper weight to the fact that he doesn't trust you and is controlling. The scale tips heavily in the direction of letting him go and moving on. Moving on is the unknown - I know that isn't easy. You will be stronger and better for it.
They say that the fastest way to make your so cheat is to be controlling, possessive, and insecure. I guess this is an example that supports that theory. Whether or not it's true Maybe you're just the cheating type, and your boyfriend new it. Or maybe he was the controlling type and you knew it. Both things being said, I don't think cheating is ever justified. But I do think cheating is often a huge way of saying your current relationship is broken or is extremely unfulfilling. People cheat because they aren't getting something they needed in the relationship, and therefore they seek it elsewhere.
The more mature thing to do is try to approach the problem within the relationship. But you chose to cheat. Hi Mandy, You will probably not like what I will say here but if our readers wake up and start commenting, I'm sure they would be far more unpleasantly critical. Nothing in your message suggests that you have any love for this poor man: You sound really immature, and not truly understanding what love it.
And you seem not to understand what the other guys are up to. No man with a brain in his head wants to marry a "party animal", or to even have a lasting emotional relationship with one. I'm sure you will find plenty of men, fellow party animals, who will say whatever you like, in order to have sex with you.
But they will be using you, for sex. While you will be using them to get them to say and do things that make you feel good.