Is my husband gay
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Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. Home Get support Online forums. Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile. Cancel The title field is required! I am really struggling and I would like some advice and help how I can move past this? Hi angel face, welcome sorry to hear your news. During such a time you wont think you will find happiness but you can. Life is full of hurdles. Isabel Sabrina blueVoices member. Hi angel Face I don't know what to say Its that serenity quote.
Hi Angel Face, It certainly must have been a horrid shock to you to find out your husband is gay and to now have him move out of your home.
Only answer and respond to what you feel comfortable doing Sharing how you are feeling here is certainly one way to get the thoughts out of your head and to maybe gain some insights and advice. Hope you find ways to deal with all of those emotions. Hi Angel I too have recently been told by my husband of 32yrs that he is gay. He has made it hard to now trust anything he says My advice to you would be to see a psychologist Talk to your gp they can arrange this. Don't look to far forward-maybes and what if's cause more anxiety. You can do this! Stay in touch with us Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.
I agree to receive email communications from beyondblue you can unsubscribe from this at a later date if you wish. Please try later or contact us. Your session is about to expire. You have 2 minutes left before being logged out. Many are confronted by the straight spouse on a basis of infidelity or the discovery of other clues, like private communications or pornography. Some even believe that being in a heterosexual relationship will restrain their homosexual impulses.
To understand more about what occurs in these situations, three women shared their own personal experiences with The Huffington Post. It was just a wonderful marriage, but toward the end he got distant. He had left and then he took me out for lunch the following year and he made some accusation that I was frigid and I got livid. Later, he was in the hospital for some minor surgery and I went to visit him while he was under influence of anesthesia. He had a lover who he had jilted to marry me, because he was a Catholic. But he was totally faithful to me during our marriage. Then it takes a little time to face the reality.
You ask yourself, What does this mean? My whole belief system went askew. It was rather obvious, it was like a prison for him. Life was too much for him. He was a great person and I absolutely sobbed. Gay men go through the same issues, with their sexuality and identity. The kids do too. All the people involved go through the same issues. I'd heard him talking on the phone to someone about dancing at a bar, and then somehow I figured out he was speaking to a man.
I questioned him again over the next few years and he would just get angry, so I stopped, but it was always in the back of my head. Life provides turning points of many kinds, but the most powerful of all may be character-revealing moments. Verified by Psychology Today. Love and Sex in the Digital Age.
There are two main reasons. Number one is the high incidence of male-female couples entering my office because the woman thinks her man might be gay. There are some basic questions that I ask.
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These are covered in detail in the book. Most gay or bisexual men will say yes. Straight men will say no. They almost never report youthful noticing. Another thing that I look for is homophobia. I threaten their sense of denial. The straight guys are not like that at all. The final thing that I ask about is romance.
Who does the man want to go to dinner and a show with, who does he want to spend the holidays with, who does he want to wake up next to in the morning? A gay guy wants to do all of that with a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be with a woman in that way. The Internet is doing it. Usually the wife discovers his history on the computer. Craigslist is where they go. What are the psychological underpinnings for this behavior? For the straight men, the most common reason is sexual abuse. I call this returning to the scene of the sexual crime.
Usually the way I find this out is I ask: What exactly are you doing? The second reason is kink.
Hi, I'm new to this and I'm not sure how to start and if this is the right place to talk but In the last year and a half I had questioned my husband if. My husband Peter was away for work when I found the postcard of Manly Other straight spouses of closeted gay men and women have.
They might be into BDSM or they might be into power exchange, and they think they can only find that with a man. Or they might be into cuckholding, where two men and a woman are engaged in sexual play but one man is submissive and the other guy is dominant and the submissive guy gets the dominant guy hard.
But the gay man cares. This can be tough for the woman to understand because male and female sexuality is so different. Another factor is father hunger. So they go find a guy who will take care of that for them. And then they ask me if this makes them gay. So I try to help them understand that this is about sexual abuse, or father hunger, or kink, or some other unexpressed need.
Sometimes the relationship actually gets stronger over time as the partners develop compassion and understanding for one another. If the man is gay, the relationship has less of a chance of survival. About a third of these mixed-orientation marriages end in divorce right away. In another third the couple stays together for two years and then divorces. And in the final third, half stay together long-term and half still end in divorce. The reason is that the guy really is gay and he wants to express that sexually and romantically.
However, more and more of these couples are deciding to stay together, mostly after the age of In might depend on how bi he really is. Some guys are mostly heterosexual, and the marriage has a better chance in those cases. That might last for two months or two years, and then it may recede, but this typically causes all kinds of problems in the marriage. I always advise the women, and I write about this in the book, to not need all the details of what their man has done. I also want them to know that the marriage can survive. These are his issues, not hers, even though they can and usually do affect her and her relationship rather profoundly.
He is author of Cruise Control: Jennifer Schneider of both Untangling the Web: For more information you can visit his website, www. I've seen that reported on recovery forums. For some guys, it's just one more porn-induced fetish that fades after they quit porn. Maybe it would be good if therapists informed clients of that option as standard practice, just so they know it works for some guys who want to return to the sexual tastes they had earlier in their lives.
I'm a straight man but I found this article interesting.
- How helping my husband discover he’s gay helped me let go!
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- You Don’t Realize It, but Your Wife Is Googling Whether or Not You’re Gay.
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I have no homophobia and I have several male friends who are gay, but I have zero interest in them other as good friends for shared interests and sense humor. Everything in the article sounds right on target. I've heard it before, but one thing really puzzles me and very much surprised me the first time I heard about it, namely:. And the theory is that men who do that are not gay. OK, I accept that judgement coming from an experienced expert. But I personally cannot understand it -- not even remotely.
It's part of the whole fantasy and sexual energy at the most basic level. To say that one doesn't see the person you're having sex with -- well, that just doesn't work as an explanation for me! By that reasoning these same men shouldn't mind if it's their grandmother or grandfather, right? I just have such a hard time understanding this one aspect of male sexual behavior that is not considered gay. I feel ya to me it's gay. I dont care what anyone say. You forgot children or animals after grandmother or grandfather. What kind of genes do we want in this world because we are the pickers of our evolution woman, theres a reason we think the way we do, we are suppose to evaluate its in our make-up, you wouldnt consiously pick charlie mansons sperm from a sperm bank, would you?
Stop letting these men use you for breeding cuz thats what you are to them its brutel. Pick men with love and compassion for all lifes diversity and lets have lots of babies with those MEN. So, dudes who let other dudes put their ding-dongs in their mouths and rectums "Rectum?
Sorry, but the PhD is right. And I've heard this many other places too.
Straight Women and Their Gay Husbands | Psychology Today
I don't understand it myself. I have to assume some men are more focused on just the release and really don't care so much about the gender. Kind of like you don't mind that when you masturbate, it's a man's hand that's on your "ding-dong". Or does that thought make you all sweaty and uptight? Alex is so silly. Most men enjoy a weenie in the bum-bum every now and then. All of my husbands certainly have, and that doesn't make any of them gay.
Alex is obviously very insecure. A true heterosexual male doesn't have to sleep with women just to prove something to himself. My husbands have certainly never slept with me, but that's because they're so secure in their manhood.
I am not a detective and did not follow him all over town. The negative attention is unfortunate because this could have been a show that highlighted mixed-orientation couples and how these couples can actually make their relationships work. According to statistics-most gays have many partners. He was an officer in the armed forces , and I worked in management. I wanted to save our marriage. Shopbop Designer Fashion Brands.
They know they can go to bathhouses every night and blow hundreds of other males, and it doesn't make them gay. It's all those men who sleep with women I worry about.
3 Women Share The Moment They Found Out Their Husbands Are Gay
If a man sleeps exclusively with women, he can't be straight, and must be compensating for something. I could be convinced that some guys don't care about the gender when receiving oral sex. But the article says some straight guys GIVE oral sex to another dude because it's just about the sex. I have a tough time swallowing that one. The author should have provided an explanation or psychological analysis of how that could be the case. Less than 36 hours ago I discovered that my husband has been hooking up with other men for BJ's for the past few years via Craig's List I have been an emotional wreck and my husband whom you would never guess would be into this is even worse off He says he is so disgusted with himself for what he's done to me but only after seeing how upset I was.
He keeps trying to tell me he's not gay, and possibly not even bi, but the nature and frequencies of the emails responses and banters had me doubting that. I don't want him to be ashamed and have to live a lie, but your article has made me think that maybe he is telling me the truth That it is just the raw nature of easy, free, meaningless, anonomus blow jobs.
I'm buying your book now as even just by the interview I've been able to confirm all that you have said and now have hope that be really does want to be with me. Thank you so much for giving me hope I am finally able to stop crying and focus on the possibility that not all is lost. Were there any warning signs? Anything stand out to you, that was a red flag? Did your husband still have sex with you? Did he avoid sex with you? Was he passionate or robotic? Did he have a blank stare during Sex or was he mentally there? Did he make constant excuses to avoid intimacy?
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Was he eager to please you or was he just doing it to shut you up? Please help me understand. I have been a sexless marriage for a while and need solid red flags. Someone in the closet and has the public's eyes watching, hides things very well. I need answers and don't get any from my husband.
My needs are not met and just want he and myself to live a truthful life and be truly happy. Even if it means we don't stay together. I would keep his secret safe with me, but my gut is telling me to run. People need love and affection, not lies and deception. I'm married to a gay man. We have sex about every 59 days.. If the sex is always one sided and he is simply robotic and his one focus is to get off while having no concern for your needs chances are he's gay.
I tell you to run and get away, but I stay for my children. If you're childless get away. You will never be happy with a gay man.
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Physical intimacy is as important as shelter, warmth and food. I really hope you get a chance to see this. I've been where you are- very recently. The details differ, but I would imagine the feelings are about the same. I felt for you so much when you said you can finally stop crying. I went through that. I couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying.
Thank goodness, I am in a much better place now and I feel good about my marriage again. I hope you do also. Would you like to talk further? I just found a post you have written online regarding your husband and sexual relations that's he's had with other men.