Do you cheat on your wife

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I tried to explain she was a friend. But my wife fitted the pieces together- the constant travelling, the late nights with friends, the amount of time I spent emailing and text messaging while I was at home. My father in law who I was close to was furious, and our relationship has never gotten better. I ended things with the woman I cheated with. I am still with my wife. Things are okay, marginally better than what they were before the affair. I think we are mostly together for the kids though.

No, I've never cheated, but I've been cheated on by every woman I've ever dated and two wives. I'm seriously starting to doubt that being honest and loyal is ever going to work for me, it certainly hasn't so far. I've always defined myself by the three things I'm most proud of, by being a good father, a good husband, and by my career.. But I'm not going to be a part of my kids lives my options are child support with no visitation, or sign away my rights and no visitation, southern US courts are ridiculously biased towards women.

Other men's dicks are apparently far more important to women than my support and affection, and along with the rest of my generation I'm expected to work my ass off with no recognition, praise, advancement, or reward.. I really don't know who I am anymore, so I'm not sure exactly what or who to be true to , if you catch my meaning.

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Not at all, but while I work full time with variable hours, which means that any time I would try to have them would be a risk that Is suddenly have to go to work and not have a sitter, what's more, they both ex 1 and ex 2 immediately moved out of state after leaving me, making it near impossible for me to have them on a regular basis.

Simply put, children need stability and regular hours, with my job, they've been successfully able to argue I can't provide that again, this is the American South, legal rulings greatly depend on ones gender, race, and religion here. I will say this: I don't think that they are biased toward women, but that they are biased toward this antiquated idea that men are bread winners and are thus defined by their paychecks and ability to provide for their children, but not necessarily have presence in their kids' lives.

Either way, it's still stupid, and it's still a disservice to you, even though the court supposed to serve you. I hate all that for you. Having sat through quite a bit of family court in a large Texas city over the past year, I can give an answer to this. The court's has two responsibilities in a divorce - to identify and split the community estate and to act in the best interests of any minor children born to the divorcing couple. The court most certainly has no obligation to serve either adult going through divorce.

I'm speaking entirely for TX here and not other states. I'm just a poor sod on the internet who's gone through a bad divorce. The first thing is largely money. Everything is assumed to be 'our' money until one person or the other can claim it as solely theirs. By example, inheritance, very well defined gifts and stuff you can prove you owned before the marriage may be able to be protected.

To the second goal, one of the things the court wants to do is to establish as much stability and continuity in the kids' lives as possible. This is where the bias towards women comes in. Especially with little ones.. Like it or not, the kid didn't come out of my body I'm a guy. I didn't take off months of work because I went through pregnancy whether she had to take said time off or not is irrelevant. I didn't have surgery Caesarian to give birth. And, for better or worse, I didn't take a year of my life out of the work force to care for our twins on an hour-by-hour basis.

This isn't to say I wasn't involved.

I did lots of night feedings. I work from home and came downstairs every few hours to play with kiddos and help change diapers, or get the ex-wife a drink. I attended all but one doctor visits the omitted appointment was made out of an abundance of caution which I correctly predicted wouldn't yield anything. I made sure to care for the kids by myself to spring the ex-wife for some 'out' time so that she wouldn't be too overwhelmed.

But, my involvement notwithstanding, when you put the two of us together and ask who the primary caregiver for the kids was And that's who the courts want to give the kids to, primarily. Now, I got lucky. My ex-wife screwed the legal pooch so hard, that she lost the right to have primary custody of the kids. A good chunk of that was just tenaciousness on my part - forcing her to jump through hoops that she simply failed to do That I knew she lacked the resolve to complete.

However, the fact that the top response here isn't getting any visitation certainly leads me to believe there's something not being said. Without levying any specific accusations, that's a huge red flag, even with the general preponderance of courts to maintain the status quo of women caring for kids and men working. As a potential future father, do you think taking kids to school more, organizing play dates, etc would help me in the legal process?

The process varies based on your jurisdiction what state and even county you live in and the custody matters are based on the needs of the kids. To directly answer your question in the context that I believe it was asked: Divorce is a horribly unstable time. A child's concept of what 'family' is is irreparably broken. The court is concerned with the well being of those children to the fullest extent that they can be. They want to make sure the child will go to the doctor for shots and when they're sick; that the child will eat well; that the child will go to school and have support for homework.

However, I'll say this: The courts are over-burdened. Divorcing parents who can agree on what to do and how to handle things are almost allowed to do whatever they want. The court really only gets involved when there's disagreement. Please do not have kids if you are concerned about the effects of your parenting on litigation. My ex-wife left when our twins were 9 months old. They were conceived through in vitro - meaning months of lab work and planning was involved. I found out after the fact, she had planned to leave after having the kids and that their birth was, in her mind, a meal ticket.

I still get riled up when I think about that. And - purely as a dad and not a litigant - if you do choose to have kids, please be as involved in your kids' lives as humanly possible. Hold them - even when they cry. If you can, be involved in their play dates and activities. You can't do it all. And even though it's hard, it's tiring, it's a lot of sacrifice It's easily the most awesome thing I've ever done. Nah you're right- the patriarchy sorry bring the downvotes hurts men in that it trumps women up as "nurturing caregivers" and hurts everyone in the process. Serious question and definitely not faulting you for being cheated on: Have you ever considered it has something to do with the type of woman you are attracted to?

I only say that because I recently had to look at the type of person I was attracted to and see how viable relationships with these people never work in my favor. In High School, yes, that was definitely the case. But I married just out of High School, and my second wife snatched me up immediately after my first marriage feel apart. In retrospect, it's rather obvious that there was significant differences in our mental and emotional maturity. But seeing as how fidelity is an exceptionally simple concept, I doubt that's the cause.

Truth be told, I think they just got bored with me. I'm not a party guy, I'm not a social butterfly, I appreciate a quiet night at home, making dinner for my family, a movie before putting the kids to bed, and nice cuddle or sex before falling asleep watching Netflix..

I think they just regretted settling down so young and never going out and sowing their oats. There's a good chance that they got scared that they hadn't lived enough.

They had entered into a game marriage for which they were not mature enough or prepared. They were both probably ready to get married but not be married I, too, live in the south and know how rampant that shit is. Their cheating, without communicating their emotional position or even taking the time to figure out what they were going through shows their immaturity.

That doesn't make what they did right and I could be wrong, maybe they were just shitty people. This is a fair estimation, but once the blinders came off.. I can't and won't be a housewife for a man who'd rather read than go outside" understand this is paraphrased, it's been a few years. I miss dancing, and staying up all night, and not just on the weekends, I need my life to be about more than the kids and you.. Would love to meet you!! I am NOT a cheater. Had a husband in the Navy, 3 deployments months long, very loyal wife I was.

Not so much, there's a reason why we're not together any more. I am not ready for anything yet, and we're likely in different parts of the country, but I appreciate the sentiment. If anything, I was trying to give you a boost, there are good women out there, just as there are good men.

I do hope you find someone as loyal as you are. It is a rarity, but they are out there. Honest and loyal works for you, because that's who you are. You should be proud of that. Being a cheating jerk won't get you what you want, it will just be you being untrue to yourself and hurting people like you have been hurt. I'm sorry you've been treated that way. But don't be a victim of that, much less a perpetrator.

I think you should go into your next relationship with a clear bottom line that you have been cheated on in the past, and are not going through that again. Tell your potential partners how important fidelity is to you, and read very carefully how they participate in that discussion. You're looking for someone who is passionate about this value in a relationship, not just someone who agrees its important or merely promises not to cheat. Everyone promises that, even the cheaters.

Always keep myself from being tempted. Situational awareness is key. Besides, if you will betray your family, what won't you betray? I did it because she was constantly beating me on AoE II and I noticed that I can position some stuff in such a way as to look at her screen while she was playing.

I guess I have no excuse really. Sit down kids, it's story time. My now-ex and I had been dating for around 2 years. We met at college, she was older that me. After about 6 months of hanging out and being quite flirtatious, we became a couple and very quickly decided that we should marry, but that it would wait until the both of us had graduated and one of us had a job. We were both quite perfect for each other; we agreed on all the important stuff, religion, politics, preferred parenting style, and we both practically insatiable sexual appetites for each other.

I really wasn't ready to handle the stress of college and managing myself and my time, I wound up getting kicked out of college for failing classes, so I had to go home. Around that time, my day old nephew passed away and I became very depressed. Simply because I bought into societal perceptions of people who need to go therapy and people who need antidepressants , I did not talk to anyone about how I was feeling.

I bottled it up and it festered. I fell into despair thinking that since I was kicked out of college, I could never get a well-paying career, and so I could never be the bread-winner and thus never be a proper husband and father figure. So I believed that, in time, she would leave me due to these inadequacies. But she loved me so much, that I could see her moving on being difficult for her when she realized what pathetic excuse for a man I was, so I actually wound up cheating so it would be easier for her to leave me. It was a single occurrence and I never spoke to the girl I cheated with again.

I immediately realized what I had done and how wrong I was, both I how I was perceiving myself and my situation, and in the action I took. This made the depression worse, but again I bottled it up. It was almost like a traumatic event for me because after about a week of being extremely withdrawn and contemplating suicide, I blocked it from my memory.

I went for about 6 months until the memory of what I had done resurfaced, in which time I got back into school via retroactive medical withdrawal eliminating the classes I had failed from my record. However, the guilt over not only having done what I had done but also concealing it from her for so long motivated me to confess to her what had happened.

What I had done, compounded with a previously existing addiction to pornography that I had promised to work on that had come back with a vengeance during my depression, and her the distance of her moving to another city about 3 hours north, caused her to end it. We went back and forth, talking about it, getting close to agreeing to work on it, but she'd just be unable to attempt trusting me again understandably. I started going to therapy and I volunteered to have an internet activity monitoring program installed on my computer to show I was really working on my addiction to porn.

After about a year of this, she decided that we could start again. It was rocky at first because I was still trying to kick my addiction to porn, and I lied to her about my relapses and would come clean later. I didn't help my case very much, but the on and off wasn't exactly helpful for my mental state either. We were doing pretty well for about 6 months.

I got a job after being unemployed for a while, my grades were finally on the up-swing, and it was looking like I was going to get a paid internship. I was regularly going up to visit her on weekends and I was getting acquainted with her new social group. Everything seemed perfect until one day, she stopped responding to my texts. After 5 days, I got the dreaded "we need to talk" text. Apparently now she felt she couldn't trust me anymore. I still don't know what provoked this change of heart and she hasn't talked to me since.

It's been a year. So here I am, three years removed from my original mistake, still driving myself nuts racking my brain trying to figure out what the fuck happened. I've only recently started to get back to being "okay. I would make myself a eunuch if it just meant I could look in her eyes, see her smile and hear her sweet voice. She has been a constant thought in my head for five and a half years, and I'm convinced that I'll never get over her. Self-discipline, honesty, and communication are incredibly important if you want a successful relationship; it will not work if you don't nail these off the bat.

Going back and forth without leaving proper time to heal, move on, and try from scratch with cause emotional scarring that will ruin all other aspects of your life for years. Therapy is a good thing and I'd advise anyone having emotional troubles to take advantage of it, and it doesn't have to cost a penny though it did for me , that's what good friends are there for! Just wanted to recommend John Gottman books if you have ever heard of him - great reads. I hope you and your wife are able to get through it. With a couple of previous I blame it on being young and hedonistic.

Sometimes when you're young and have a really strong chemistry with someone you're not sure how to deal with it. Cheated on my ex-girlfriend several times. I don't really have any excuses but I didn't really love her. The thought of cheating on my current girlfriend makes me physically sick. There's no place I'd rather be than in her arms. I've been cheated on by 3 of my last 4 girlfriends. Each time with a friend of mine.

Girl 2 of 4 was a six year relationship. She cheated on me after year one, we broke up, back together, broke up, back together, ad nauseum. I left to circumnavigate the globe. I fooled around with two girls over the four months I was gone. Do I regret it? I'm more disappointed in myself than I was in hurting her. I regret staying with the girl I was with more though. It's hard to realize, despite how much you don't want to be a type of person, that you are human and can become that person at any point. I've learned what I need in a partner and I've since adapted.

Yes, It was because I was a dumb ass college student in a long term relationship with the wrong girl. I Got sick of being around beautiful women and only seeing her once every week or so. I was stupid and decided to cheat rather than break up. There were times when relationships were falling apart that I moved on physically before the previous relationship was officially over.

This was when I was much younger. I never cheated in any way on someone who was participating fully in an exclusive relationship. Now I am married 13 years to a woman I've loved for 24 and been with for 20, and I fully intend to be with her forever. She gives me everything I could ask for--including a sense of loyalty and trustworthiness far beyond what anyone else has offered me--and I would never, ever fuck that up for any reason. These are the kind of threads in Reddit that just don't work because of karma.

Sadly nobody is going to submit those answers, or those that have will first of all consider whether or not they will contribute or not, because they will get downvotes. This dude will be drown in downvotes, with massive amounts of hate comments coming his direction, even death threats in PM's, I've had that happen to me before.

That's not nice, I will never contribute to stuff like that ever again. You can all tell yourself that lie. Down vote is meant for those, that offer no content to the topic or thread, trolls if you will. Downvoting opinions can be legit, if OP is aiming to get the "best suited" opinion, e. I'm about to cheat, should I do or not.

It's a stupid example, but you should get the idea. THEN it's a good idea to downvote those that say yes most of the time, can still be situational obviously. Those threads however are not at all like this one we got going here. Ask yourself, why aren't there more serious YES answers, with more down right "bad spirited" reasons behind their actions.

People know what's coming to them. It's sad, because those answers are probably the most exciting to read comments this thread could possibly produce. Nobody cares about your stupid honor and how you would never do this, because you're the norm. As always, the exciting comments are to be found at the bottom, by those that seriously don't care about karma. That's not how it's meant to work IMO. Dudes are being asked why they're assholes and so on, over asking "why they could do such things", you know, they're not asked in a decent and proper manner, but they're getting ganged up by Reddit and its stupid ideals.

Reddits asks question, you answer question honestly, you get hate. I tried to say something along these lines earlier, but at 6: I don't really even read these threads anymore because it's just people coming to feel better than the cheaters. Thank you for this comment.

I cheated on my girlfriend 4 months ago. I never dreamed I was the kind of person who could do that and I totally regret it. I almost lost the love of my life, and I did lose my friendship with the girl I cheated with. She was just a friend who I hadn't seen in a few years and she was going to be in town and wanted to hang out. My girlfriend was dealing family stuff that weekend so she wasn't in the picture--she gave me her blessing to have a fun weekend with old friends.

Friday night we got hammered. It was just like old times. I never mentioned my girlfriend. I don't really know why I didn't tell them I'd been seeing an amazing girl for the last 4 months--in retrospect I think I didn't say anything because I wanted permission to be irresponsible. But nothing bad happened that night. On Saturday we started drinking at brunch and it continued all day and night. Around 10 pm we got the brilliant idea to go to the strip club that is managed by one of our friend's dads.

I'd only ever been once before. Not my normal scene.

Want to add to the discussion?

It was awkward but arousing and it's totally what escalated things. My old friend from college got herself several lap dances, then she bought me one. Not an excuse, but I remember thinking at the time that my gf's previous relationship was an open one and that she was pretty sexually open and that she'd understand that this was just sex.

I don't remember much about how we got from here to there, but we had sex at my apt, we didn't use a condom, and she left my place before 6 am. I knew it was a mistake, but my plan was to never do it again and not tell my girlfriend. I told her about the strip club, but not that I had unprotected sex with someone else. She told me later she knew something was off but tried to ignore it. It was a few weeks later that I came home to her super drunk, passed out and she decided to read my texts because she knew something was off.

That's when she found my "You're on the pill, right? I told her everything when she confronted me. Begged for her to give me a chance, promised to address my drinking problem, cut off contact with old college friend, etc--and braced myself to lose the most amazing girl I've ever been with. Long story short--she's forgiven me. I love her more than ever and do everything I can to show her. The first 6 weeks after it happened were super hard. Lots of her crying, lots of me puking from regret and anxiety because of the pain I'd caused this incredible girl.

Not sure exactly how we got past it, I worry it will crop up again sometimes, but I feel like we're stronger and more secure together now than we were before it happened. I love her more than I thought I could love anyone.

The Cheating Spouse Tips and Cheat Sheet. 36 things every guy should know before he cheats.

Was in a LDR to begin with and found myself in Europe on a study abroad program. A younger, far, far, far more attractive girl totally wanted to jump my bones for a month and a half straight. Was I attracted to her? If I was honest with myself, did I want to have sex with her? I just couldn't though. Even though the relationship I was in was rocky and on it's last legs, I just couldn't justify having crazy meaningless sex. There would have been no way at all that my girlfriend at the time could have found out. But I just couldn't do it. I knew the guilt would have killed me.

My relationship fell apart not long after that, but I still know I would feel incredibly bad if I had cheated. My best friend cheated on his girlfriend of 6 years. It was a short term punctuated experience that occurred at a time when their relationship was in rough straits. The guilt just about killed the guy. It'll feel great in the short term Freud would not be astonished to read an article like this, he would consider the status quo because it is. Full of shame, repression and clear reaction formation. The author even uses the phrase "dirty little secrets" unbelievable we still have clinicians practicing this way.

Sounds good on paper but no, doesn't work that way. I'm in my 50s and a professional. Most of my friends are the same. Most are either single or have had multiple affairs. The single guys, used to be married and now have half the assets they used to and their kids live in broken homes.

Their exs are very bitter, as they are living at half the standard of life as they used to. While the ones who have had affairs, more or less are extremely happy. They can afford to take their wives on expensive holidays, live in nice houses and send their kids off to Ivy colleges. While also having sex with women half or more their age.

As long as the spouse doesn't find out, and most haven't after decades, everyone is happy. Do they have the marital bliss spoken about in the blog? No, but I'm pretty sure they are happier than those who were told or the bitter exs I spoke of. Every single couple I know as friends, all married between years - contained infidelity at one time or the other by one or BOTH partners.

All of these couples seem satisfied and content. I sense none of the affairs came to light, and no one was unnecessarily spreading pain around telling about their indiscretions. NOT everybody does it. The mental gymnastics you guys have put yourselves through to justify this BS is mind boggling. This is horrible advice. Of course you should tell.

That is at least giving that "partner" the respect and dignity of knowing the truth and being able to make informed decisions based on that. Ridiculous and self-serving for this article. No one needs a professional to "assist". Just tell the truth. More self-serving for therapists, and another excuse and rationalization to lie as if you are doing the other person a favor and begin noble. They deserve to know the truth. If your partner will not engage in an honest, truthful relationship with you, you have a relationship built on a faulty foundation created by decisive unilateral choices of the liar.

This is an Anrrangement not a Marriage or Exclusive Partnership. My own experience is that if you actually do love your spouse and family, want to save your marriage and you know you have an ongoing problem with infidelity, by all means, for everything that you hold precious, please let your spouse know about your struggle. Get thee to a counselor immediately.

Pay attention to Mr. I contacted the ex-girlfriend and learned that he had told her about an affair with a coworker and that I was basically an incompetent bitch. So I started playing detective; In addition to his exchanges with her, he had two carry-on sized suitcases filled with carefully downloaded and categorized blondes, Asian, etc discs of pornography, email accounts with explicit exchanges with other women, and additional unlawful activity which I will decline to describe at present.

I have no doubt of his unfaithfulness and other things yet undiscovered, however, while he agrees that he has broken his broken his marriage vows, he says there has been no infidelity. The long and the short of this goes down to the fact that he has, and has had a long standing problem with sex and porn addiction. He admits it has been a problem since his teen years, we are now both in our 50s. He has been able to hide this from me because he is an extreme introvert and is also very intelligent.

We actually went to counseling years ago, and no mention of this came up, even though our sexless marriage was a topic of therapy. It seems he had been just fine in the marriage; he had his meals cooked, his housekeeping and his laundry done, his bills paid, and his children cared for, but his intimate needs were never a concern. Now, I understand why; they were being met by complete strangers, or coworkers or online or in pornographic videos. My husband had this problem from me for the entirety of our marriage.

I am the one person to whom he could have confided nearly anything, I was supposed to be his best friend. No disclosure came when we went through marriage counseling many years ago. He lied when we were supposed to be repairing our broken marriage. In the end, even though he says he loves me, he could not maintain an erection nor climax during attempts to have sex.

Now, I am unwilling to continue this marriage. For the sake of self-preservation, and to protect my children one of whom is still under 18 I will not consider reconciliation. I feel that I deserve better. I am not completely certain what my reaction may have been if he had confessed years ago, but I am thinking that I surely would have been more open to the reparation of our relationship had he come clean about it. Reconciliation is off the table now.

My warning is this, if you have a problem that seems out of control, communication is key. I literally begged my husband to talk to me about his problems and he refused. Now he is dealing with the reality of losing not just me but his relationship with his children. He may well find that he is all alone in life and those Craigslist ladies are the only thing to keep to keep him warm.

I say more power to him at this point. He obviously made his choice. Who cares if our standard marriage vows are puritanical; if one does not intend to keep them, one should simply do not make them.

And definitely do not unilaterally change one's mind, risking marital assets and spouse's health, and claim the marriage was better for it. Kudos to your strength; keeping yourself and your minor child shielded from this deception is truly admirable. Let's compare the monogamy contract to a work contract by using an analogy: Assume that I work for you as a nanny. I regularly drive your children around unbuckled and don't use car seats because, let's face it, it's SO much easier not to. I benefit emotionally and physically by gaining more time for myself, avoiding muscle strain, etc.

According to the reasoning in this article, I should not tell you, my employer, what I have been doing because I would face negative repercussions--firing, child neglect charges, etc. If a partner was not informed PRIOR to the marriage that infidelity was allowed, then you have broken a contract with a person you supposedly care about and have exposed your partner to STDs. You have an ethical obligation to inform your partner of your actions.

My romantic life went from 6 month's of casual sex with "Jason" to current 3 year exclusive relationship with "Chris". I told both of them about one another. I came clean to Chris the following morning and he decided to give me another chance. He was given the opportunity to "get even" which he respectfully declined. The accusations, name calling, and emotional abuse is becoming unbearable Ethically moral advice for an unethical Victim of immoral? You can have strong feelings for "love" someone and not be able to live with them.

First of all, the "three year exclusive commitment" with Chris is not exclusive, and it is not a commitment at all; it is a mirage.

Welcome to Reddit,

You sound like you're both twelve years old. You slept with someone else. It doesn't matter that it was the ONLY time you cheated. You can't uncrack that egg. If you think Chris is exclusive with you with all his porn and social dating profiles, I got a bridge to sell you. You are two immature, whiny, selfish brats playing around and calling it "love.

About the only good things left besides having someone to pay half your rent and utilities is having dynamite sex, or being able to hold up the false pride to yourself or to your girlfriends of being in a "relationship. Put your money life future where your mouth is. Sign on the dotted line. Cast your lot in with another person. Give up cheating no matter how fun it is or how you can justify it. Keep your home sacred. If you can't or don't want to do that, then stay single and play.

Don't promise someone who's just given up his whole single life for you something you have no intention on keeping. It's just that simple. Infidelity is unbelievably painful and traumatic.

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It is one of the worst things that can happen to a person in life with the possible exception of losing a child. I wholeheartedly believe that one can begin again anew after infidelity - just not with the same person. Infidelity and cheating cause such great soul wrenching pain to the cheated on partner, that it is a life sentence for both if they stay together.

The lb gorilla in the middle of the room is always that you cared so little about the person you cheated on, that not only did you let such terrible pain come to them, but you volitionally caused it. If you are actually a human being, if you've actually got some genuine remorse, if you've actually learned your lesson don't DO that and want a peace-filled, comfortable, positive relationship that can actually have some joy in it again, you have to do it with someone whom you have not mortally wounded.

Hopefully the person you cheated on is not the other parent of your children, who will be forced to see you, talk to you, negotiate with you for the good of the kids. Good luck to you, you get to brush off your butt and walk away scot free, not a hair on your head harmed, with a new lover and a chance for a joyful life. Your ex is not so lucky. He or she has to live with the aftermath of the train wreck you created, didn't even have a vote, and likely didn't even see it coming because of your lies, gaslighting, sneaking, and slick shuffling while it was going on.

Way to go, Slick. As someone that has been around friends who are cheaters and seeing many relationships thrive and fail with cheaters: This is without a doubt, the worst advice I have ever read. The one person I knew that told their S. She admitted that the guilt was eating at her but by telling her partner, she drove that car off the cliff, unable to reverse her mistake when she could have just learned to live with it.

Besides the very angry fake people in this comments section giving bogus stories about STDs, it seams most women are on the wire to vote yes to admitting infidelity. Funny that both sexes cheat on the other evenly, yet women are not telling their male partners. Sounds like wanting something for nothing. The answer is simple, do you regret what you done? Then bury that secret and take it to the grave.

Do you not regret and just need the sex? Try to contain yourself but if you do cheat, try to not hurt your partner by being stupid and getting caught. I am a female on the receiving end of cheating. He never confessed, but got sloppy so I discovered it. He would not have stopped with his online sexual encounters with his ex I know, because he enjoys the forbidden, but I would give anything to have my magical fairy tale back.

It was causing distance between us, and maybe we would have ended because of that? But I will never feel the same love for him again no matter how hard he tries, and the heartbreak and pain that lurks up even 3 years later, is so profound that I still consider leaving him over it. It was utterly selfish and self-serving! I have even tried cheating on him for revenge, and it made me feel better immediately afterwards, but it didn't last.

I blame him for making me do something I didn't enjoy nor want! He has caused a chain reaction of sorrow that will last a lifetime. It has made him as sick as it has made me, so effectively it ruined both of our happiness. He does love me, and destroying me ruined his health as he now has multiple issues like high blood pressure. I read a comment right after it happened when I went searching online for comfort. It was "all men cheat, and those that love you make sure you don't find out. This was his mistake to live with. I now am forced to live with the weight of his mistake too.

I'm just glad it was with his ex of 20 years, who is as squeaky clean and disease free as me! We are going to counseling together after he finishes his studies, because the emotional threat of talking would probably end his career on top of everything else, as he wouldn't be able to study or focus in emotional turmoil. So we have gone to individual counseling to help us both cope, and I have had to wait 3 years for couple therapy.

Unless the therapist has a time machine and can make it all not happen, I doubt it will help heal the pain. He says he never stopped loving me and it was all just a fantasy game, but he agrees it wasn't worth it now we are living in the memory of it. I cried so hard I vomited, and the person I loved died that day. He tries to make amends, but nothing is ever as good again, or beautiful, or sacred between you.

If he did it to me again, I would kick him out in a heartbeat, and not shed a tear. At least not in front of him. That's how much damage it causes. You go cold inside even though you still feel love. It's the worst feeling to live with. Just STOP the affair!!! The codependence model is flawed. Even people who are happy in their relationships can cheat. Back Find a Therapist. New Evidence of the Value of Music Therapy.

A Male Perspective on Pornography. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Connect with me on LinkedIn. Will telling the truth help or hurt your relationship? Submitted by Musashi on June 9, - 4: Learn from it, keep the important lessons, then ignore and move on. From a vantage of being older, I would not need to know if my spouse strayed. Confessions can spread pain far and wide and do more damage to a family unit than needed. Keep the secret and learn to live with it. I have a male friend Submitted by Regret on June 9, - 6: He regrets that he did not keep his mouth shut.

He has been married almost 50 years. In Submitted by Musashi on June 9, - 9:

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