Cheating spouse no remorse
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When ranting, people say whatever their emotional state at the time leads them to say. When ranting, a person will say deliberately hurtful, mean-spirited, and often false things about their spouse. This should never occur, for such actions are the opposite of love. That is to say, this sort of behavior is hatred. We are to love our spouses. In fact, the Bible tells us to love even our enemies Matt.
Let us be clear, however, a rant is not a truly acceptable way to address any problem. It is childish, inefficient, and detrimental — especially if it garners any support from other people. At best, a rant should be ignored and the focus returned to the real problems and solutions. Keep in mind that if something is true, it is so -regardless of how you feel. If you believe something you state in a rant is true — then it is also true regardless of the rant.
Keep that in mind when you begin to berate your spouse in a rant. This is either telling everyone how you really view your spouse — or else how often you lie! If this is more than a collection of falsehoods and exaggerations a rant then it is an overview of the entire marriage. Affairs rarely occur in a vacuum. It is clear that this marriage is in far more trouble than recovering from an affair. It is a marriage without love. By love, we do not speak of some obscure emotion. This marriage lacks this action — and may have for long before the affair. At all times, it is a bad idea, it is the WRONG solution, and it causes more problems than it is trying to solve.
When a spouse enters into an affair, what they are doing is wrong, stupid, and harmful. There is no moral excuse for an affair. We could come up with many more examples. Affaircare is a Christian coaching service, we base our replies on what we find in Scripture. So we will point out a couple of passages where people prayed for their enemies to be forgiven, even though their enemies not only did not ask for it — but were actively behaving in a way that brought about the need for forgiveness: However — what is good for the goose is good for the gander!
This assumes a personality trait that not all people share. The Thinkers among us rarely have emotional breakdowns. This is an error many people make! Guilt has nothing to do with feelings. A person IS guilty if they have committed some wrong. How each person acts when this is realized varies from person to person.
My Spouse Cheated and Isn’t Showing Any Remorse! | AFFAIRCARE
In fact, by definition, a person who is remorseful takes steps to rectify the situation. It is the most revealing, detrimentally destructive highlight of the letter:. Of course this cannot go on indefinitely: In other words, if this is over, end it—do not lead the Disloyal Spouse on and give false hope. Or, as the Bible declares: It means that we must work toward solving the problem immediately — and that involves direct, verbal communication, using the skill of active listening, with the intention of ending the dispute in a loving, God-honoring fashion.
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No matter how big the problem, the Bible offers solutions, and God promises healing. The Loyal Spouse can not cling to their anger and must actively work to resolve the anger. We have covered the idea of trust elsewhere on our site for example, HERE , and anyone interested can easily search and find what we have to say on that issue. Here is a very revealing sentence: Any marriage that goes through the agony of an affair never returns with any success to the way things were. The affair was a very stupid and destructive choice — but that is not the primary problem. Almost no affair happens in a vacuum.
The affair was a stupid, thoughtless attempt to either fix or escape those problems.
Admit it, repent, go and sin no more. Do not abuse your spouse and children any longer. You have that moral option whenever there is an affair — with one caveat: You have recommitted and are bound by that promise as surely as you are to your initial marriage commitment. And, as the author stated: It requires diligent work from both partners, working together to go the same direction. Picture trying to push a stalled automobile: Get together and work from the same side! My wife recently asked me to open our marriage because she was bored and needed to find herself. I said I love you so much that I have to let you go and pursue what that means to you.
We have been married for 11 years. It caused me so much stress I felt like I was dying. We are separated now for health and security reasons. I just do not think it will ever work after reality crashed in from the back front and sides. It is a steady slow systematic decline. A marriage is a specific commitment of faithfulness to a spouse, and separation from all others.
The Bride of Christ cannot sleep with other gods and remain in the relationship. This is not love! That cannot be stated in any clearer fashion. To love someone means to work in ways that are best for the object of the love. Love would be to refuse such a request, and instead to work toward finding out WHY this question even arose. Allowing and encouraging someone to actively fulfill their sinful desires is never loving — it is actually a hateful action: You found out that she was actually having sexual hookups.
…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.
You told her is was OK with you! Why was this of any surprise to you at all? Their private life has been exposed, their secret love affair has been put on stage for all to see, and they feel like all they wanted was to be happy. Remember, if their affair has been any sort of extended period of time, they have been living a double life.
Let Go or Hope Your Cheating Spouse Can Change
They have justified their affair to themselves time after time, day after day, sexual encounter after sexual encounter. They have built up a wall between them and the truth, and very seldom does that wall come down in an instant. If it appears to come crashing down, I would still be cautious about believing they truly have absorbed the enormity and accurate reality of what they have done to you and quite honestly to themselves.
But now, come hell or high water, I am out of this nightmare. Anonymous My husband asked for divorce. I am well aware that by now, this is self-torture. If Jenny experiences regret, then she'll realize that she not only betrayed Peter, but she betrayed herself as well. It is simply a lot easier for us to forgive when someone asks. After 6 years I finally confronted him at his work and he said he will get me the answers. He has always come first, but now he doesn't and you can tell he doesn't like it.
More times than not, remorse usually comes through a process and by revelation and understanding over time. It usually does not come in an instant. There is usually a timeline to them absorbing the reality and severity of their choices. To think they will comprehend how they have violated the marriage covenant, jeopardized their family, possibly their employment and reputation, in a few counseling sessions is ambitious at best.
From personal experience, as well as through helping several people walk down this road, remorse is no easy task. It will take a strategy and will require expert help to get your spouse or yourself to truly come to grips with what they have done. It is more than possible and it is a vital necessity. How you and how your spouse arrive at this point, is crucial and will not be accomplished by any shortcut of time, financial commitment or convenience. Though it has been several years since my colossal moral failure, I would say that for roughly 5 years I gained more and more insight into my dysfunction, which allowed space for more and more humility, compassion and remorse.
I would like to ask "would you do it again if given the opportunity? My husband has been in a 2 year long emotional affair and refuses to cut off contact permanently with his AP because he doesn't believe he has a relative he's confiding in who is supporting him on this that what happened was truly an affair. We are in counseling, and our counselor has told him point blank that is is an affair and that the only true path to fix this problem is to cut ties.
I'm trying to be patient.
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How long do you think is too long to wait? I am about 10 months after a first D-Day, and about 5 months after my wife said she cut ties with her affair partner. I still don't know all of the details. After the initial D-Day, she took things underground. She secretly went to hotels with her AP at least "five or six" times but she says they only "cuddled" but never kissed or did anything more. One day told me that she was not willing to have physical relations with me again, and she moved out of our bedroom.
Only later did I found out that she told me that the same day that she met with her AP. She also continues to blame her affair on the state of our marriage and my "neglect" since I work too much. She says she is sorry, but she gets defensive whenever the affair comes up in conversation, and she says that I am being impatient by wanting to be physical with her. We have been physically intimate one time in the past 8 months. The sad additional facts are that we have multiple kids, and my wife has also been financially unfaithful - concealing her overspending and running up enormous credit card debt.
Our debts now exceed one year's worth of take-home income. It is horrifyingly depressing. I am educated, sociable, reasonably fit, and feel like I am physically attractive and am told that by others , but I am weary of feeling that my wife has zero desire for me. She told me many times after discover that I was objectively attractive, but she felt zero attraction to me. I am tired of being deprived of truth, love, intimacy, and respect. I feel like I am being punished for her offenses.
I read that pride is usually stronger than remorse, and unless an unfaithful casts aside their pride, true remorse usually does not surface.