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The original confines of the relationship, whatever they were, no longer hold true.
This includes staying on in the relationship for the other party. How about kids, if you have them?
Many people stay on in relationships, for the sake of their children — even though they are no longer in love with each other, or even though the other partner has committed infidelity. Where two people remain in a relationship despite not loving each other anymore, it stifles both parties and makes them miserable.
As much as either of them try to suppress their unhappiness, such negative energy will ripple out toward everything they do — be it their careers, their health, their friendships, their family — as well as their relationships with their children. I know people who grew up in families where their parents remained in the relationship despite not wanting to be together anymore, and it resulted in a lot of unhappiness and conflicts growing up.
Things become worrisome that once weren't. You do a lot of snooping. You feel like you can no longer trust your inner voice. It once told you that everything was okay when, in fact, it wasn't. The world no longer feels safe and secure. Given the description above, it is not hard to imagine why it is necessary to get support for yourself during this process.
It is a time of emotional upheaval and the more friends, family, support groups, books, articles, and objective professionals that you have in your life, the better it will be for you. Set up a time for disclosure with your husband. Arrange for time s for you and your husband to sit down so you can ask any questions that you need to have answered about the history and scope of his behavior.
You probably have so many questions. It is important to take time and think them all through. Some questions are about the details of the incident s. When did this occur?
When and how did you meet? Where did you take the person?
Others are about checking out whether the times when you felt in your gut that something was off were in fact due to infidelity. You may want to know if something was going on when your husband left your family dinner early one night and went downtown to meet a colleague. Was he really on a business trip that weekend when the whole thing seemed strange to you and he denied that there was anything out of the ordinary?
The only way that you can fully recover from this betrayal is for your husband to be committed to stopping this behavior going forward and be willing to come clean and tell you everything you want to know. But it is important that you be in charge of determining what you need to know.
For some, a lot of information is helpful. For others, it leads to rumination and intrusive memories. You must decide what is best for you. If you don't know what is right, take it slow. Remember, you can't unring a bell. Asking about details and history should not be a one-time occasion. Your husband should be willing to answer questions whenever you have them and over and over again. Following the disclosure, set a rule with your husband that you are entitled to ask about his whereabouts and proof of them at any time.
Wife grimaces, then bears it. That so many wronged spouses managed to turn the other cheek is admirable to some. Lifescript talked to women and experts to find out why beleaguered wives choose to stand by their men. Insecurity can be enough of a glue to stick with a marriage.
Women are more afraid of going solo than men are, she says. Her finances take a hit. A woman is likely to draw the short financial straw in a divorce. They know their mate eventually will disappoint them. Her professional status is tied to his.
Many educated women still put their careers second, behind their husband's. Adding insult to injury, a divorcing wife risks breaking up her social circle as well, especially if it was exclusively other married couples. A solo woman is considered a threat to the stability of other relationships and married friends often pull away.
Her family is against divorce. Natalie her name is changed to protect her privacy was recently wed and newly pregnant when she discovered her husband had three other women on the side.
For 13 years, the manager of a California nonprofit toughed out countless infidelities before she finally filed for divorce. Her family and in-laws cursed her. For five years, her family pressured her to go back to her husband. The incident reaffirmed her first decision and this time she left for good. And my children were devastated.