How to trust your husband

Learning to Trust Your Spouse God's Way

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They have told you they understand they don't expect you to instantly trust them and are prepared to wait for as long as it takes and do whatever it takes to earn your trust again. Throughout the process you see it in their behavior towards you that they're being sincere and making the effort. For example a wife discovers her husband of 10 years has been cheating on her.

The combination of the shock of this discovery and the thought of going through a divorce may simply be too much for her to bear. Therefore she offers to forgive. As the months go by all she can think about are all the times he lied to her about his whereabouts, possibly having sex with her after being with other women, spending their money on these women, and replaying all the details in her mind.

She may reach the conclusion later on that she simply cannot trust him again no matter what he does or says! If you have to force yourself to "trust someone" it means they have not earned your trust and you run the risk of ignoring "red flags" by projecting what you want things to be. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.

Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio more. Forgive Your Spouse One thing that can help you to learn how to trust your spouse again is to forgive him, or her, from the bottom of your heart for what they did. How to forgive and trust your spouse again is to: Remember the many times you have offended people, and the many times these people have decided to let go.

This will make you feel that just as others have been magnanimous towards you, you can also find it in your heart to forgive your spouse. What will I lose if I let go? It does not add anything of value to your life. It will help you to desire to move on, to look to the future and not the past. Your spouse has done some good things for you before. Consciously try to remember these things, and it will help you to see the other side of the person, which can be a catalyst to make you decide to forgive.

Sit down and write twenty good things your spouse has done for you in the past. Reflect on these to help you change your mindset about your spouse so that you will be more willing to forgive. Take a few pictures from your photo album, pictures about times when you were both happy, and meditate on the wonderful times you have had in the past. Look at the big picture and it will make you appreciate the fact that all hope is not lost, for people make mistakes and make amends. Do some research and read about the medical disadvantages of holding onto unforgiveness.

Write 10 of them down. Then read about the benefits of forgiving someone. Write 10 of these down. Compare the disadvantages of holding on to unforgiveness with the benefits of forgiving a person, and weigh in your mind whether it is worth it to decide not to forgive and develop diseases such as hypertension and heart disease which sometimes afflict people because of unforgiveness. Forget the Past You must also learn to forget. Deal with Fear When you are hurt, there is a tendency to fear that if you trust the person who hurt you again, that person might hurt you again.

Therefore, you need to confront your fear and overcome it. How do you do that? Choose to be courageous. Courage means you know when you trust your spouse again, there is a possibility he or she can hurt you again, but you choose to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and hope your spouse does not abuse your trust again. Choose to continue loving your spouse despite what he or she may have done. The power of love can drive away fear from your heart.

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It can make you feel you should give your spouse another chance to prove himself, or herself. God wants us to look to Him every blessed day for strength to overcome our fears. Many people who were tossed with inner storms of fear have found calmness by asking God for strength to help them overcome their fear.

Pray and ask God to help you to learn to trust your spouse again. Compare Your Situation to What Jesus Went Through Jesus is a perfect example of someone who was betrayed, and yet found it necessary to trust some of the people who betrayed Him. Initiate Romance Again The behavior of your spouse may have led to a widening of the emotional gap between the two of you. One Day at a Time If you want to be able to trust your spouse again, you must take it one day at a time. Deal with Negative Thoughts about Your Spouse It is likely negative thoughts about your spouse will come to your mind, and fight your desire to trust your spouse again, or the attempts you make to trust your spouse again.

I want this marriage to go on and so I will do my best and learn to trust him again. If you imagine your spouse may abuse your trust again, it will make you tense, which will make it hard for you to trust him, or her. But if you imagine your spouse has the potential to become trustworthy if you support and encourage him or her, you will feel relaxed and be more willing to trust your spouse again.

Realize Your Spouse Can Change The fact that your spouse hurt you yesterday does not mean they will hurt you again tomorrow. Conclusion Trust is absolutely crucial for the success of every marriage, but it can be broken many times. I love him so much and this is his only flaw. But, he is mad at me for looking through his phone.

What do I do? Could counseling even help?

Think You Can

Thanks for reaching out. Repeated cheating and refusing to take responsibility for unhealthy behavior can be a red flag for emotional abuse, so I would encourage you to check out our page on that here. Hello,i have been with my wife for 17yrs this June. The first i was mean and jealous but i changed,she gave me a chance to.

Well,a few weeks ago i was at work and i get a phone call,its my wife and i say hello,hello and nothing but as im about to hang up,i hear talking, to who though,i stay on the line and listen and listen for about 30mns. All the way home until i pulled up,still standing at the door she is saying ,i need 24hrs to cancely coumseling session for depression ,so u have to give me time and besides hes forcing me to go his families for easter this Sunday. I was and am devasted,i confronted her and of course it was nothing she said but after a few minutes, she admitted to have been seeing him for a few months.

So please tell me why i should give her another chance or forgive her,please?? Choosing whether to give the relationship another chance is something that only you can decide, and this article is certainly not meant to suggest that you have to do that. If you are receiving pressure to stay in the relationship or have other concerns that you would like to talk about, we would definitely be happy to speak with you about that.

Hi, Recently, I had an unplanned one night stand with my good girlfriend while her husband stood there watching us. I am a female but I am not bisexual I am heterosexual. We both happened to be under the influence but her husband was not. I did not have sex with her husband. It was something that I would never do if I was sober. I did not plan this cheating. I love my boyfriend and is happy with him. Is there anything you can help me with. It sounds like a tough situation and one that might be best addressed by talking with you directly. We would be happy to talk with you and help you determine some possible next steps.

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, married for only 8 months. I just found out last week that she has been having an emotional affair with a coworker of hers. She says that they only kissed but she has feelings for her. I initially kicked her out of the house.

After a couple days she came back to talk. We have decided to try to save our marriage, taking it one day at a time. She says she ended it. I guess my biggest issue is that she works with her. She is with almost everyday. I just feel such anger, hurt, and embarrassment.

I do love my wife, and up until I found out about this we were discussing me getting pregnant. I still want it, but I am just so scared. Any input would be appreciated. That sounds like such a difficult thing to go through, to lose trust in your wife like that and then to be worried that it might happen again. We would be happy to talk with you and help you figure out next steps and how to find emotional safety in your relationship after cheating has happened.

That sounds like such a difficult thing to go through after having been together so long. My partner and I have been together almost two years now, and I found out that he was cheating on me. The relationship was really good, and I have always been honest to him. I caught him first on a dating app that was on his phone. He begged me to forgive him and that he was never going to do this again.

I was really confused as in why would he do that, and I read threads online about that, saying that it could be out of boredom or also that he likes to look. The second time I caught him was when he went back on it again, but this time, met up with the person and had sex. At this point I remained really confused as I had a huge feeling that he was doing something behind my back.

It was a big deal, he went for help to his best friend, who also came to see me and talked to me, and made me understand things without inducing me into my decision. So I called him and started getting worked up and told him to take his stuff and leave the house, he started acting stupid by pretending he didnt know what I was talking about then hung up.

From that moment I knew something was going on and that it was him on the app.

I then told him that he needs to stop lying in order not to trap himself in a lie again. Im trying to move forward, and I also went on dating websites after the whole situation, as much as I didnt want to, but felt the need to please. I told him that I was on those site after couple days because I felt guilty and he said that he understands as Im hurt etc.. What a stressful, hurtful and perplexing situation for you to be in. It is never okay for a partner to cheat in their relationship. You deserve to be in a healthy, loving, committed and respectful relationship.

Cheating is a violation of trust and a form of emotional abuse. The constant cheating and arguing suggests that your relationship is an unhealthy and abusive one. Healthy relationships are based on trust and it seems like there is a lack of trust in your relationship. Figuring out how to build trust in a relationship after cheating can be a challenge. It sounds like your partner has made up a lot of excuses for his repeated decisions to cheat on you.

It is not clear if he has stopped cheating and accepted responsibility for his actions. It seems like you are thinking about breaking up with him. Breaking up is a very personal decision and you know your personal circumstances best. I am going to recommend that you take a look at these related blog posts for guidance: Should We Break Up? If you want to talk in more detail, please get in touch. You can reach us by calling , texting loveis to or chatting online at http: We hope to hear from you soon.

I recently found texts my fiancee sent to 2 other women. Thank you so much for reaching out. This sounds like a very emotionally complicated situation and one that might best be addressed by talking with you directly. Ok, i have been married for 6 years. We have a 5 year old boy. I work offshore 28 days on and 28days off. I recently found texts on my wifes phone and found that she has been sleeping with an old friend of mine for at least 8 months while i was at work.

Some of the texts was bad mouthing me, saying she loved him and missed him when i was home. Now that she has been caught, she is so sorry and says she knows she did a stupid thing and wants to prove it to me that she loves and wants to be with me. I do love her soo much and want my family together. My question is, how do i ever get this out of my head!

Its killing me while im at work. Im not home to see what she is doing so how do i ever trust her again? I keep telling myself she is doing this because she knows she could loose her son, and everything else. I desperatly want to forgive and move on to trusting her, but when i talk to her, when i touch her,all i think about is them! Please how do i get this out of my head? The betrayal was too much and they feel that they can never fully trust that person again. My name is Rachel and I am 18 years old. My boyfriend is We have been together for 3 years, and about 3 different times I have caught him on dating sites with other females talking to them, flirting, and saying how he would like to sleep with them.

The last time I found one was about 4 months ago. This leads me to believe that he has been on dating sites for pretty much the whole course of our relationship. I feel like our relationship means nothing to him sometimes.

9 Easy Ways to Trust Your Spouse Again

He is not very affectionate to me anymore and seems only wrapped up in playing video games. I try not to bring it up because it only leads to fights and gets us no where. He had tried to blame the dating site on his friend and a few months later when I found another one he came clean and said it was his, even though I already knew. It sounds like your partner has really hurt you and violated the boundaries of the relationship multiple times. Only you can decide if you feel like you may choose to give him your trust again at some point.

From your description, it sounds like you are generally unhappy in the relationship at this time. Even if you are unhappy in a relationship, breakups can still be really upsetting and feeling the loss of the good parts of the relationship is very real. Deciding whether or not you want to breakup is really hard. Here is an article that has relationship checklists to help you decide whether to stay or go. I encourage you to practice lots of self-care during this stressful time. If you would like to reach out to an advocate about your situation, they can help you go over it and come up with different options.

I cheated on my guy after he broke up with me because i thought all we had was intimacy. He was very serious but den we broke up after 5 months. He left me saying there was no future. But we used to meet and things still were intimate. This happened times. Nd then wen i thought that it was finally over i cheated on him. And he does love me but is hurt. Says he doesnt want me at all Please help. Because i love this guy. It sounds like, when you say you cheated, you actually thought that the previous relationship had ended; once a relationship has ended, the boundaries that were established during that relationship are no longer fair to apply to yourself or the other person.

It sounds like there is a lot going on and like there could be a lot to talk about with a peer advocate—for example, boundaries, trust, mutual respect, and healthy relationship dynamics. I would definitely encourage you to reach out and chat with one of our peer advocates any time.

Understandbly, some people believe that a gay relationship can be different.

11 Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner

I need advise as, in my situation, I feel humiliated. Back at the beginning of last year when I asked my partner to be my boyfriend, we were happy. But a few months later, I found rather explicit texts on his phone. For me it brought a sense of paranoia into what could happen next. It turns out that though he met this guy, nothing ever happened, but only three months into the relationship, it started to eat away at me.

This best friend of his was meant to be moving away to Australia, in a week that all changed. I can only believe that he himself has triggered my episode. Because of this episode, I became hurtful, I snapped at him, but I always made it clear to him that I loved him and that I would never be unloyal.

9 Easy Ways to Trust Your Spouse Again | PairedLife

When I said that I wanted to break up, he suggested a break. I said no at first but warmed to the idea as it could help. I know that my partner and this guy are in fact best friends, however they slept together, possibly more than once. Is it worth me staying with someone who has the ability to trigger my bipolar episodes to make me look crazy, then cheat and try to humiliate me. Or is it better for me to ask him to cut out the person which caused all the doubt and mistrust in order to build from scratch. Please help me decide, do I continue with torment.

Or do i cut all losses. I love this man…even though I may have punched him for doing what he did. Your situation sounds very complex and may be something that would be best addressed by talking with you directly. I cought my wife cheating on me with a number of men on the internet. She confirmed that she has been contacting men but has not met or been physical with any. I love her very much and want to make it work and am going to see her for the first time today after being away.

I dont want to do the wrong thing and wondered what the best steps are to get back together and be stronger than ever. She does not want to see a councelor so well have to do it ourselves.

It is Possible to Trust Again

I am nervous about seeing her now for the first time since she confirmed as we have not spoken only texted? Do we hug and talk? Do I open up? Do I ask her to open up and explain why and what she has done? Do I tell her how I feel? Should I be asking all these questions or her? I am quite desperate to have her back, should I show this or try and be strong cool and try not to be too emotionnel as I am so greatful to her for not leaving me. I feel she needs a stronger Man and that this could be the base of it all as I am too boring and gentle and maybe I give her too much.

We have been together for over 20years and the last 2 months has been wonderfull and I thought we were reconnecting only to find out that it is during these 2 months that she has started these cyber affaires. So I am worried that now that I found her out that she might be very sad and depressed without the other men. I just want her to be happy like she has been the last 2 months but without the other guys just with me. She does not want to talk about it and wants to put in the past. She says she sorry never ment to hurt me and wants to stay with me. Now I have found out through other means that she most likely has had a physical affaire and is most likely still in touch with them.

Everytime I want to speak to her she says she needs time to think and has a nervouse smille on her face. She is still not showing any emotion or regret she does not seem to care and is asking when I am next leaving the country for work. I explian that she needs to tell me everything as I want to forgive her and then we can move on but she wont even discuss it? She prefers too sleep in a seperate bed and prefers to message me than talk. I want to take her back because I love her so much but shes not letting me in. Shes still texting the guys that I am sure but I want it to come from her and not force her to stop as I want her to be happy.

I dont want to start spying on her.. Should I leave her for a while to think it over? We have 2 young adorable kids? They would support me i know but worried it would stress her out even more. Your situation sounds very tough and emotionally complex, and may be best addressed by talking with you directly.

A healthy relationship depends on open and respectful communication. I cheated on my husband for the 2nd time. He is always abusive to me, always has been, especially when he is drunk. He is never at home, comes home drunk, calls me names, hits me, swears ugly words infront of kids. I stopped the affair. Then I started the 2nd one, I felt bad about it and I stopped.

He found out about it a year later when I was expecting our last born. He hates me, denying paternity for our baby, but he says he wants us to try and fix the marriage for the sake of our other 2 kids we have 2kids. Even though we are trying to fix our marriage, he is still abusive, goes out and drink and comes home spitting fire.

Calling me nasty names in front of our small children. Shoving me around, calling me a bad mother who sleeps around. I want a divorce now. Abuse is a pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain power and control in a relationship, and abusive people often look for things that they can use against their partner to create a dynamic in the relationship where they get to control things. But there is never an excuse for abuse. However you decide to move forward, please feel free to reach out.

We would be happy to talk with you. When I confronted him he denied everything and over a course of two weeks he said he married the wrong person and vows meant nothing. He said he was so angry with me but was not talking to anyone. He completing distance himself from me and the kids. About 4 weeks later found out it was someone he worked with. So he was confronted again, and he said it was over and done.

Once again found out he was still involved with this person. Nothing sexual or physical he said. We did counsel with someone for many months. But through that he never wanted to say what they spoke about or anything. In counsel he stated he is committed to me and the family and he was wrong. That relationship has ended but I find myself wanting to know what they talked about for hours and why he continued this after I found out the first time. So how I can I look over that and try to forget it.

Thank you for reaching out to us. Having someone you care about break your trust is a very painful thing and it can take time to heal. As much as his cheating hurt, he still has the right to privacy and to not share what he talked about. You always deserve to have a partner that you can trust and to be able to have a relationship founded on respect. Everyone is different in how they heal and what they need to move past something like this.

If you are wanting to talk about how you can heal and move forward, you are welcomed to reach out to one of our advocates. I disagree with this post I am a 32 year old male and in a 12 year relationship. I hurt her to the point she resents me and has inner hate. The past 6 to 7 years I have been completely faithful and took advice and applied advice like you have in my relationship. What ended up happening was I worked harder then the one who was hurt she ended up cheating out of hate and used my past an excuse.

Is it possible to mend a relationship after cheating yes! I encourage anyone with the strength to leave whether they are the cheat or have been cheated to find someone who respects you and respect yourself is the most important thing. I think anyone who reads this post needs to realize what I realized … no emotionally healthy person is attracted to and stays in a relationship with a truly unhealthy person for any period of time… ever.

The real posts we need to see are how to let go! If it were the easy to take some medicine to numb our pain and humiliation and move onwards. I wish everyone going through pain the best of luck! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts of the post. For others, rebuilding trust and a healthy relationship can be possible.

Both are completely valid and it really just comes down to each person in a relationship to decide what works for them. I recently found out my husband has been having affairs with other men. I made the mistake of checking his phone, I honestly never touch it because I trusted him and loved him so immensely. But his attitude has changed recently so I decided to take a peep. Interestingly, low trust people are themselves more prone to lie and cheat than are trusting people.

Furthermore, because they tend to be highly critical, they will look upon what their partners say and do with much less tolerance than would a trusting person. As a consequence, small problems can have a bigger impact than they normally should. They might feel constant pressure to make sure they come across as honest and trustworthy. Such scrutiny can mean they have to spend more effort than should be necessary justifying themselves.

The hard truth is a relationship without trust cannot flourish long term. Individual therapy can be very effective in developing strategies that will help you cope with mistrust. Keep in mind that learning to trust is certainly worth the effort. Not only will it improve a marriage, but it will help you in other relationships and can improve your overall psychological well-being.

They are the authors of Making Marriage Work. Handling spending and debt can create issues in a relationship. Back Find a Therapist. A Male Perspective on Pornography. Why Are We So Compulsive? Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.

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